Prophecy in the News: April 2023

A woman in in San Francisco stole from the same Target store 128 times. The D.A. has filed 128 charges against her for stealing $40,000 in merchandise. It turns out the woman was taking the stores name too literally.

Putin announced that in the Spring he would be installing tactical nuclear weapons in the nation of Belarus. This came as a surprise to NATO and a shock to Belarus.

Airport security has announced it will no longer allow jars of peanut butter on airplanes. Now passengers will have one more food item they will need to chug down at the security check point.

The Dalai Lama made a public statement that he regrets asking a boy to “suck his tongue”. As a reminder, this is the spiritual leader of the Buddhist religion with over 400 million followers? However, this does explain the Dalai Lama’s new meditation mantra which is Gelati Celeste.

Subway announced an Easter sandwich which consisted of a mound of Cadbury Eggs melted on an Italian sub roll. Some customers were very alarmed as they saw it as the Biblical abomination of desolation.

A man was officially cited as having visited Disney World 3,000 times. The young man was only questioned as to why he would make so many trips to a state known as God’s waiting room. Even more amazing, another man was cited for attending Sea World twice.

The drug czar El Chapo’s son was arrested by Mexican security forces after a gun battle that left 29 people dead. He is documented as feeding his enemies to tigers and shooting people with a machine gun at close range. Mexican authorities reported he is currently undergoing an evaluation for possible anger management issues. You think?

The city council of Minneapolis rewrote their noise ordnances in order to allow Muslims to announce their call to prayer five times a day through loud speakers. In related news, the sale of ear plugs in Minneapolis has gone up over 12,000%.

There is a chemical spill, fire or explosion every other day in the U.S.

Non smoker lung cancer rates in the U.S. are rising due to air pollution.

There has been a significant medical breakthrough concerning melanoma or skin cancer. A MRNA vaccine has been developed that has cured 44% of people with advanced stage of melanoma cancer. It causes a person’s immune system to locate and attack the cancer until it is destroyed. It is scheduled to be available to the public in three years.

Pope Francis waved the rule that in order to be considered a saint, a person must have been responsible for two miracles. Now a person must only have been responsible for one miracle. Is it just me or is everything sacred?

Paris, known as the city of love, has outlawed scooters. It seems that people can no longer fall in love with a person having watched them riding a scooter.

In North Carolina, a 13 year old boy got stuck in a claw machine. When the parents were asked why they did not help the child, they replied that they wanted to, but were all out of quarters. In similar news, a South Carolina man got his hand stuck while trying to steal a coke. After hours of trying to free the man’s hand, rescuers brought in the Jaws of Life. It turned out the man’s hand was stuck because he had refused to let go of the can of coke. Sadly, all the people involved in the events said they regularly voted.

In a recent poll, 43% of single people said their Valentine’s Day should be expanded to include them by way of a day of self-love. So it’s now official. Everything in America will eventually come around to end up the opposite! Apparently, there is nothing more romantic than a candle lit dinner eaten over a sink?

The Las Vegas couple Ziegfried & Roy sold their home for 3 million dollars. It turns out they could have received 4 million but they had cats.

A case will soon be reviewed by the Supreme Court to see if a person is protected under the First Amendment to express themselves by using their car horn. A poll of 30,000 Americans showed 70% said no and 30% said yes. The dissenters felt that a horn could be over used as a form of violence. I am reminded of the old adage, “blow your nose, you will get more out of it!”

Medical science is reporting that an A.I. medical program known as Sybil (named after the famous oracle of ancient Greece) was able to scan an x-ray and detect cancer two years before the human eye could detect it. The computer diagnosis was correct 94% of the time.