Prophecy in the News: September 2023

American military and security services are in agreement that the infamous China spy balloon did not receive nor broadcast any information while over the North American continent. The equipment inside the balloon was said to have been 1980’s technology. So, the Chinese do not know where we go, what we do, who we are talking to, what we buy and watch. Instead, they have decided to subscribe to Google Ads and simply purchase this information. They find it to be much easier and more accurate.

A second balloon was spotted flying over Mexico. It was also shot down but only candy came out.

The Taliban, now in control of Afghanistan, continues to complain about having daytime office duties. They complain that they now have to be up, dressed and in their offices by 8:00 a.m., and must stay in their offices till 4:00 p.m. They also are complaining that they are being tested daily by cars, wealth and women. They say that many of their ‘comrades have fallen into these sweet but bitter traps’. As for women, the men complain they are showing too much ankle.

Democratic Senator Bob Menendez was charged with accepting hundreds of thousands of dollars, dozens of gold bars and a Mercedes-Benz convertible from the Egyptian Government. The affair is being described as a pyramid scheme.

Elon Musk has rebranded Twitter. It is now called X but people are asking Y?

Taylor Swift was seen at a football game wearing her current boyfriend’s jersey. The jersey immediately went up in price by 400%! The jeans she was seen wearing went up 40% that same day.

An ad in a local Massachusetts paper read: “Funeral Home for sale. Probably haunted.” 3 bedrooms 2.5 baths and they will throw in the ghost for free.

On a Delta flight to Barcelona, one passenger experienced explosive diarrhea. She stated that she last ate at the airports ‘salmonella-bon’. Passengers stated that given the choice, they would rather have had snakes on the plane.

Sam Bankman-Fried is being tried for the largest financial fraud scheme in American history. Legal experts say he might get the book thrown at him while his hair already looks like he got the chair.

The Constitution was written to keep the State out of the Church not the Church out of the State.

Mike Pompeo, Trump’s former US Secretary of State, has released his memoirs of his time in the Trump Administration. To speed things up it's simply titled “80% Off”.

You might want to get out a legal dictionary and a sedative on this next bit of news. Apparently the Pope announced that some same sex unions can be blessed in some way by the Catholic church. Generally speaking, a blessing cannot be given on an illicit conjugal. But, if a same sex couple asks for a blessing to strengthen them to be able live together and yet resist the urge and maintain chastity, and they assent to church teaching on the immorality of homosexual acts, that would be a different matter. Kind of like a diabetic living in a candy shop. What could possibly go wrong? What ever happened to just a good old “yes” or “no” on a matter?

The latest theory on A.I. is that it is not so much that A.I. is smart, it’s that A.I. may be stupid in ways we cannot predict. Now there’s an oxymoron!

The SPCA has declared the annual Fall Fat Bear Competition to be a form of animal body shaming.

The expression ‘poor white trash’ has been determined to be too derogatory toward a certain socio-economic class of people. Instead the politically correct term to be used is, “Poorly Tattooed Americans”.

President Biden continues to send US tanks to Ukraine. He stated they are the country’s most lethal weapons. Perhaps he should instead send gas stoves.

Tik Tok was invented in China and is run in part by the Chinese government. China only allows people to spend 40 minutes a day on Tik Tok. Americans spend on average 100 minutes per day or 26 hours per month. Maybe the Chinese know something we don’t?

Ozempic, the famous weight loss pill, appears to have side effects. In particular, you can get back the body of a teenager but unfortunately you will have the face of a grandparent.

The FDA recently set limits on the amount of lead in baby food. They noticed that instead of a child saying “da da”, they were instead saying Uhhh….daaa….

The United Method Church has added to its doctrine the ability to conduct same sex marriages and the ordination of same sex pastors. Since that announcement in 2019, over 6,200 churches have left the domination. This year alone, 4,172 churches voted to disengage from the United Methodist Church organization. A letter was sent to members asking them to not seek to destroy the church. The reply from those members who left was, “We are not destroying the church, we are taking it with us and keeping it safe.”

A person in Florida found a 35 pound bag of marijuana that had washed up on the beach. The person did the right thing by immediately going to the police station and turning in the 25 pound bag of marijuana.

Kylie Jenner recently changed the name of her baby from Wolf to Aire. She said, “ I just did not feel Wolf was him.” Unfortunately her 5 year old daughter will still keep her name Stormie. Jenner also said both names just came to her right after watching the local weather report. The biological father and rapper Travis Scott said he did not care what she named them.

And finally, recent polls show that 60% of George Santos’ constituents say he should resign. But Santos insists his polls show that 180% want him to stay.