Prophecy in the News: July 2024

The drug, Captagon, was first manufactured in the U.S. in 1961 to treat narcolepsy, fatigue and behavioral disorders. Dexamphetamine was used by the U.S. military to enable soldiers to stay awake for long periods of time, and enhance courage and bravado. In 1980 the U.S. declared them both controlled substances with no practical medical use. However, today the drugs have been combined and are manufactured in the Middle East. They are used by ISIS and other Islamic extremist groups. The combination is highly addictive and causes irreversible changes in brain chemistry that governs impulse control, judgement and generally takes away a person’s ability to reason or think rationally. So, it should come as no surprise that in the Middle East it is called, “the Jihadist’s drug of choice”. Think of it like a wildly delusional “Cocaine Bear”, but on steroids with a loaded AK-47.

Great Britain received a report concerning its preparedness for the Covid outbreak. The conclusion reached was that the nation was “completely unprepared” for this type of sudden epidemic. Much the same was said of the United States. Just wait till they have to deal with the chaos in the wake of the Rapture!

A faulty software update from cyber security company CrowdStrike caused a global IT outage. The system crashed, knocking out the computer systems of airlines, the stock market, numerous hospitals, operating rooms, access to medical information, banks, 911 centers, subways, buses and train schedules, court systems, retailers and shopping centers. It’s almost as if the entire world now relies on a communication and data system that is very vulnerable?

President Biden announced that he will not run for a second term in 2024. Insiders say he is resting up for 2028.

Most anti Trump voters are single women. Most pro Trump supporters are divorced dads. In an effort to bring these divergent groups together, perhaps someone should create a dating app called Axe to Grinder.

When Trump made his announcement in Wisconsin to accept his nomination as the Republican presidential nominee, the crowd was so large that the RNC created an overflow location. They chose a local bar called the “Drink Wisconsinably Pub”.

In a recent poll, 51% of participants say they now see themselves as independent voters.

Ancestry DNA will, for a limited time, allow a person to compare their DNA to those of Olympic athletics. Hard pass!

Justin Timberlake and Tiger Woods are opening a sports bar together. Perhaps they should consider naming it “DUI Fridays”.

Bowling alleys are starting to offer disposable shoes. It seems that today’s bowlers do not want to wear shoes that might contain a foot fungus. Therefore, they would prefer to pay for shoes, wear them once, then throw them away as this strategy seems to work at Forever 21.

Hurricane Beryl was the earliest Category 5 storm ever recorded.

The Director of Queers for Palestine recently visited Palestine only to return to say that he had changed his mind.

This month, a woman who did not know she was pregnant, gave birth in the bathroom at an all you can eat Golden Corral buffet. Not to be out done, another woman, who also did not know she was pregnant, dined at an all you can eat Taco Tuesday, then gave birth in the Taco Bell bathroom. On an interesting note, diners noted no change in the condition of these restrooms.

Sharks off the coast of Brazil tested positive for cocaine 100% higher than previously recorded for other aquatic creatures. Some scientists suspect it comes from poorly cleaned sewage water that flows into the ocean. Others suspect the culprit is slow Columbian swimmers.

The creators of Hello Kitty announced that the kitty is not a cat. Instead, they insisted it is a little girl. Hard to believe as the image has cat ears, cat whiskers and cat paws for hands. If it looks like a cat, acts like a cat and has the word “Kitty” as part of its name…it’s a cat.

The jelly bean company called BeanBoozled has created two new flavors. One tastes like extra rich liquorice, and the other like burnt rubber. That sounds just awful! Who wants to taste liquorice?

NASCAR has gone electric. Cars with twice the horsepower of gas engines raced this month. The actual race was very exciting with cars reaching speeds in excess of gas powered vehicles. Of course the excitement did lag a bit when a car pulled into the pit where it took thirty minutes to recharge the battery.

And finally, RFK Jr. held an interview with Vanity Fair. It was during the interview that he was asked to clarify just what kind of meats he would and would not eat. RFK Jr. made it clear that while he would eat virtually anything, he would not eat a dog, a monkey or a human. The dog he was said to have eaten in 2010 was in fact a Patagonian goat. And it was in 2010 that he got the worm that apparently ate a portion of his brain. So, America, it is now safe go to bed without worrying about being served to RFK Jr. on a platter. However, Patagonian goats have been advised to start taking Captagon.