Prophecy in the News: December 2024

In international court news, Russia was found guilty of laundering cash for United Kingdom gangs. The gangs generate cash through robberies, sex trafficking, prostitution, illegal drugs sales and the smuggling of weapons. Russia, just when you think they have hit rock bottom, they get out their shovels and start digging!

It is official, Americans pay the highest prices in the world for their drugs. Ever wonder why? Just ask your local Congressman.

Over 60% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck and have an average household debt of $104,000 which includes all mortgages, loans and credit cards. Total debt of all American households is $18 trillion dollars.

Three Wall Street firms, BlackRock, State Street and Vanguard control assets of over 20 trillion dollars. They are also the major stockholders of 90% of the S&P 500 companies. These are the 500 major corporations in America.

2024 ended with the S&P 500 up 23% which is a new all time high. The second all time high was in 2023 when the S&P 500 ended up 24%.

Eight media conglomerates control 90% of what Americans see, hear and read.

In December, Elon Musk was recognized by Forbes & Bloomberg as having a total wealth of 400 billion dollars. He is the first person in the world to achieve this status. It is currently believed that Musk will be the first trillionaire by 2027.

Australia became the first country in the world to enact a new law that would ban certain social media sites for all persons under the age of sixteen.

The CEO of Arby’s was hired by Chipotle. He oversaw the creation of the motto, “We have the beef!” as opposed to Chipotle’s motto," It's in there somewhere?”

Three thousand cheap, fake Gibson guitars valued at over 18 million dollars on the US market, were seized by US Customs & Border Protection in southern California. Bad news for the smugglers. But the good news is that the dream of three thousand middle aged men starting a garage band has died.

A blank white canvas sold at auction for 1.5 million dollars. It is now official, the time has come to quit creating art.

Sam’s Club offered three free holiday-flavored hot dogs to their customers. One was topped with mashed potatoes and Christmas cookies, or pumpkin pie and candy cane, or turkey with gravy and prime rib. Those who ate these delights later said that while the dogs were free, they eventually paid a heavy price.

A new study just released showed that while exercise can burn calories, it will not significantly make one healthier. It turns out that people who are sedentary are about as healthy as those who exercised. Those that exercised were stronger and felt better, but were overall not that much healthier. Upon hearing this news, Nike created the new slogan, “Just Sit There!”

NASA halted all space walks due to an air leak in their new space suit design. They had to refit the seal where the air supply umbilical cord attached to the suite. A NASA spokesman stated that, “This will probably stop the air leaks.” To which all the astronauts immediately replied, “PROBABLY?”

An old, deaf, blind and arthritic cat was found stranded on a frozen pond. Rescuers were able to locate the owner from the cat’s collar tag. When they returned the cat, the owner looked very disgruntled and simply said, “Oh!... Ok… I guess thank you?”

A liquor store in New Orleans began performing in store weddings. It turns out this market attracts those people who see Las Vegas as ‘just too romantic’.

Tesla announced a recall of 2,500 Cybertrucks. But this wasn’t really news as everyone already knew they were not supposed to look like that.

KFC marketed a Christmas wrapping paper that tastes like chicken. “Best Christmas ever!” said all dogs everywhere. There was a warning on the paper that stated, “Not fit for human consumption”. Which, by the way, is the motto of Taco Bell.

The Dean of Pittsville (Massachusetts) High School was arrested for dealing cocaine. Authorities said this would explain the high school’s last three years of being ranked number one in track and field events.

Krispy Kreme experienced a sophisticated cybersecurity attack that effected all 400 stores. Apparently they also have holes in their online security system. KK devotees were somewhat philosophical about the event saying, “They might as well take our doughnuts as they already have our cookies!”

President elect Trump appointed football star Hershel Walker as Ambassador to the Bahamas. Walker held a press conference and immediately clarified that he is not ‘am’-bassador but instead stated, “I ‘is’-bassador of the Bahamas.”

DiGiorno released what it termed as a, “Stuntacular Taste of Christmas in a Pizza”. The product included roasted turkey slices piled high with rich gravy, cranberry sauce, green beans, sweet potatoes, crispy onions and smothered in both mozzarella and cheddar cheeses served on top of a Detroit Style crust. They even left space on the back of the box to leave a note.

After dating for nine years, a 100 year old man married a 102 year old woman in Philadelphia. When asked where they were going on their honeymoon, they looked at each other then replied in unison, “Heaven?”

The toy rated most dangerous by both the Toy Association, and the US Federal Government is the, “Atomic Energy Laboratory”. But don’t worry, what’s in the kit is much scarier than the title. First put on the market in 1950, sales came to an abrupt halt when it was discovered that the atomic test kit included 4 samples of uranium bearing ores as well as a Geiger counter to locate particles that might escape the kit in a child’s room. Advertisements stated that a young nuclear scientist could, "... watch up close and personal, nuclear chemical reactions using real radioactive materials". The kit also included a congratulation from the Director of the Manhattan Project which developed the first atomic bomb. The upside to this discovery is that the children who played with this kit no longer needed a night light. Second place for the most dangerous toy ever marketed was the “Bag-O-Glass Shards”.