Prophecy in the News: January 2025

A Massachusetts couple married at a Chuck E. Cheese for $800. Following the unconventional ceremony, reporters asked if they ultimately felt inspired by the ambiance and in what way. They replied “Yes!” and that they had decided that they no longer wanted to have children.

A human stampede in India trampled at least thirty people to death and injured ninety others. A spokesman stated that deadly crowds attending religious festivals in India is unfortunately a regular occurrence. This particular festival attracted over 100 million people that day. It is the week-long celebration of Kumbh Mela when Hindu holy men, dressed in lovely saffron colored robes, lead hundreds of millions of Hindus to the Ganges River to conduct a ritual bath said to cleanse ones sins. To ensure the cleansing works, this event also occurs during a planetary alignment of the solar system. The festival celebrates the battle between various deities and demons for control of a magical pitcher that contains the nectar of immortality. Well, at least the trampled people died for a worthy cause. On an interesting note, the Ganges River is considered the most polluted river in the entire world. This is due to the dumping of a variety of toxic substances such as raw untreated city sewage mixed with industrial waste plus rotted carcasses of dead animals, and the ashes of tens of millions of cremated bodies each year. So, they are cleansing spiritual sin while contracting physical infections. What a paradox. Sort of like a rotted mystery wrapped inside a toxic enigma.

China is celebrating the year 2025 as the “Year of the Serpent”. Also, China released its version of A.I. called DeepSeek. American A.I. experts have tested its algorisms and currently believe the Chinese have used and distilled American software to create their version.  And that would surprise …?

Serbian citizens staged a mass protest concerning the election of President Vucic. They see him as a puppet of Russia’s Putin. This is officially known as a sham democratic election. Votes are cast but the leading party controls the counting. This is the way it is in Russia, Serbia, Hungary, Georgia and Bosnia. All are run by democratically elected dictators who ultimately take their orders from Putin. It like a crime family with Putin as Tony Soprano.

In Alabama news, a man crashed his car into a light pole, got out, stripped and ran naked into a Bass Pro Shop where he then dove into the large fish tank and pretended to bathe. Which all begs the question, has Alabama become the New Florida? The entire nude escapade was caught on multiple iPhones and seen by millions of viewers. But sorry ladies … he’s taken.

There were 890 billion presents returned the week after Christmas. It turns out the two weeks after Christmas are the two busiest weeks of the year for postal services. What ever happened to cash?

The man sitting next to the door of a Boeing 737 flight that blew off in flight said the event was frightening. But he went on to say that the most emotionally scaring part of the ordeal was when his iPhone was sucked out of his hand.

The Starbucks CEO has established two new rules. First you have to buy something in order to sit in the store. Was that not already a rule? Second, the chain will now start charging people to use the bathroom. According to the last time I visited a Starbucks bathroom, you would have to pay me to go in there again.

A French woman was scammed out of $850,000. She said she first received  an A.I. generated message from Brad Pitt’s mother, Jane Etta Pitt, asking for financial help for her son. Then she receive an A.I. message from Brad saying he was in desperate need of a kidney transplant and that his wife, Angelina, had frozen his bank account. He said he wanted to send her a designer purse as a token of his love, but that she would need to pay for the postage. It was when he proposed to her that she relented and sent her now fiancé the money. The woman is in the process of divorcing her significantly older millionaire husband. One wonders if you were to contact her and ask for $250,000 to arrange a meeting with Brad, would she transfer the money?

An assessment of the recent California fires concluded that the fire situation was aggravated by little or no water pressure in the lines. It also cited that the city took a major water purification plant off line for maintenance during fire season. Poor California. First they lost their homes to FIRE, and now they are losing their maids and gardeners to ICE.

KFC will not be bringing back the Double Down in 2025. This was a bunless sandwich that consisted to two deep fried chicken fillets, separated by two slices of cheeses, with two strips of bacon, all slathered in mayo and a spicy secret Colonel Sauce. A KFC spokesman stated that they will not bring it back as all previous consumers of the sandwich were now either incapacitated or dead.

An Alabama woman gave birth in a Krispy Kreme parking lot. The staff rushed to help with the delivery. Then, they automatically did what they were trained to do, and glazed both mother and child. The mother, Sha’nay, actually named the child Glaze and had to list Krispy Kreme parking lot as the place of birth. Can’t make this stuff up.

Polls show 85% of Greenlanders do not want to leave the Kingdom of Denmark. This means that eighty five Greenlanders do not want to leave the Kingdom of Denmark.

Popeyes is currently testing a new menu item. It is chicken marinated in tequila. This is in keeping with the taste preferences of their late night patrons who choose to eat there.

Progresso introduced ‘soup drops’ just in time for flu season. They are advertising it as soup you can suck on. It’s a soup flavored candy with all the salt and absolutely no active ingredients.

The headline read, “Clock Winding Down for TikTok”. With the demise of TikTok, kids began returning to Facebook. Wow, even on line they are moving back in with their parents.

President Kim Jong Un of North Korea sent 11,000 of his most elite troops to Russia in October to help in its war against Ukraine. As of January 20th, Ukraine’s forces had killed three thousand. They would have killed more but they temporarily ran out of bullets.

New to the ice cream market is Jeni’s spinach flavored ice cream. It’s the first ice cream where the brain freeze is the best part of the experience.

Kamala Harris’s book was released and can be found in your local book store. You can find it under the ”What Not to Do” section.

Eighty three year old President Joe Biden, in one of his final acts as president, awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to the Pope, age eighty eight. The two had to conduct the ceremony by phone. And by phone I mean Consumer Cellular.

The bad news is that the world’s largest spider species is, for some unknown reason, getting larger. The good news is it has eradicated all the Murder Hornets in the U.S.