Prophecy in the News: March 2025

Recently I was writing a Paper concerning Jesus being referred to as the “Morning Star”. I wrote a Biblical quote from memory and turned to Google to quickly give me the chapter and verse associated with the quote. To my surprise and dismay, Google cited the chapter and verse but then included a statement that Jesus and the angel Michael were one in the same person. This completely unscriptural misinformation is straight out of the Jehovah’s Witnesses false doctrine. Point being, while the internet can be invaluable as a commentary to Scripture, it can also give a false commentary to the uneducated. There can be no doubt that the evil in the minds of mankind have now infiltrated the internet and have camouflaged themselves by wrapping their lies around kernels of Biblical truths. In short, reader beware of who and what you turn to when seeking the truth of God’s Word in today’s fallen world.

The old adage is true, “The devil really is in the details”.

In 2024, the largest number of people ever recorded in modern history were displaced by natural disasters.

More police officers die each year in America from suicide than in the line of duty.

Elon Musk sent out an email asking government employees to tell him five things that they accomplished that week. It turns out it was accidently sent to federal employees when it should have been sent to congress.

The Federal Park Service lost one thousand employees this month. Finding new jobs using their specialized skill set will be difficult. In fact, it is so difficult that Smokey the Bear was recently seen working as a Walmart greeter.

The Captain of the USS Harry S. Truman managed to crash his aircraft carrier into a large cargo ship in the middle of a calm Atlantic ocean. This feat was so astounding that he was immediately given the new title of Captain Crunch, then he was immediately relieved of duty.

There was a national egg shortage due to an outbreak of the bird flu killing 54 million chickens. In an effort to resolve this issue, the National Poultry & Egg Association sent out a directive to all poultry farmers that they were to first concentrate on producing more chickens so as to then provide more eggs. The good news is we can now answer the question concerning which came first. In related news, the NP&EA announced that egg profits were up 350% in the first quarter of 2025. Only in America.

A new booming business has been developed called “Rent-A-Chicken”. You can literally rent a chicken which will produce one egg every twenty four hours. The chicken comes with a support hotline for the novice chicken farmer. So far the number one most asked questions is, “Which hole does the nugget come out of?”

It was no surprise when the CEO of Walgreens told investors that since the chain started locking up certain merchandise, sales had fallen. What was a surprise is that the investors actually saw a Walgreens employee.

The singer song writer Post Malone is the new face of Oreo Cookies. This makes sense in that his heavily tattooed face is in many ways resembles an Oreo. A lot graphics competing for attention on the outside, but simple and sweet on the inside.

Japan just announce the world’s smallest park. It is the size of two sheets of copier paper. It has a border with a plant and a very small bench. The city council decided this was the best use of this small space located adjacent to a road in the center of a city. But before you book your ticket to this oasis in a sea of humanity, be warned. Local residents are complaining that they cannot go and relax there because of all the people taking pictures. Sometimes fact is stranger than fiction.

Jeff Bezos offered Katie Perry a free trip into outer space. Said music critics who panned her latest album, “Well… it wasn’t that bad!”

Health science reported this month that it has been aware for years the existence of what it terms as “stealth cholesterol”. This is because it cannot be detected nor cured. It is estimated that over 64 million Americans have this ongoing disease and do not realize it until they suffer a sudden and major heart attack. But this month it was announced that a new medication had been created that can instantly reduce 94% of the plaque buildup. It requires an injection every six months. But apparently there is still no ability for an early diagnosis of this disease. I guess it’s one step forward and two steps back.

The good news is that Europe now believes it needs to be able to defend itself without necessarily receiving help from America. The bad news is Germany has asked to be allowed to develop nuclear weapons. On a side note, the German Nazi Party is the number two party in the country.

Actress Mikey Madison won the Oscar this year for her portrayal as a prostitute in the film “Anora”. Interestingly, this makes fourteen actresses who have won Oscars for playing the role of a prostitute. Seven more actresses have been nominated but did not win. That’s a total of twenty one actresses. Makes you kind of wonder about the mindset of Hollyweird. Perhaps the Oscar should be renamed Oscar the Pimp?

The hamburger chain Hardees is offering with each burger a new sauce that consists of sautéed onions in a rich garlic sauce. Not to be outdone, Burger King is offering with each burger a pack of cigarettes.

In an effort to start the process of genetically engineering a wooly mammoth, researchers have developed four incredibly long haired mice. They have appropriately named them John, Paul, George and Ringo. Who said scientists don’t have a sense of humor?

The chain stores Payless and Target have changed their catchphrases to keep up with changing economic times. The Payless motto is now “Paymore & Shut Up!” While Targets new motto is, “Expect Less. Pay More.”

In other genetic news, scientists have developed a banana that will not turn brown even when left unpeeled for twelve hours. It that a real job? How about developing an avocado that does not turn brown in two minutes.

Tessler is recalling all of its cyber trucks. It turns out the roof panel can come flying off. Tessler has announced that they are not recalling the trucks due to safety concerns. But that it has more to do with owners concerned that, with the roof missing, people can see who they are.

Is it just me or does the Westminster “Best in Show” dog trophy resemble a fire hydrant?

The most recent Happiest Country Report shows that the happiest country in the world is… Finland? And it has been ranked number one for the past eight years. America came in 24^th out of 195 countries. How can Finland possibly be the happiest country in the world? It has a period of complete darkness from late November thru late January. It has an average snow fall of over three feet. It has average nighttime lows of -10 degrees from November thru February. It is only 1,200 miles from the north pole, and to put a stem on this cherry, it borders and has a hostile relationship with Russia. Oh, and summers last from mid-June to early August. Maybe the pollsters need to first explain to Finlanders what the definition of the word “happiest” is.

Italian car maker Lamborghini just began marketing a baby stroller that sells for $5,000 dollars. “Got to get me one of them!” said every drug dealer in the world.

23andMe claimed this month it was bankrupt…and 2% Scotch Irish.

Disney’s remake of “Snow White” is embroiled in controversy. And as always, it turns out to be the dwarfs’ fault. Disney cast six actors then shrank them using only one real dwarf. The Dwarf Actors Union of America took offence to Disney using fake dwarfs. They explained that the number of films using dwarfs had become smaller and smaller. Therefore, this was a lost opportunity to expose more dwarfism to a dwarf deprived public. Disney responded that they shrank actors to avoid stereotyping reinforcement. This explanation only dwarfed the original controversy concerning the dwarfs. So Disney, trying to downsize the controversy, announced that it would scrap all seven dwarfs including the real dwarf and instead use CGI to create “magical dwarf like creatures”.  This minuscule peace offering caused yet more controversy with fans of the original story line. They responded that CGI dwarfs would look like fake dwarfs. That only real authentic dwarfs look like the traditional idea of dwarfs that people have in their heads when they are sitting around imagining dwarfs. Fans also complained that Rachel Zegler did not fit the traditional image of Snow White and that Gal Gadot was not convincing as the Evil Queen. So now everyone is a critic? Fans of Snow White have created a national boycott of the film. Well, at least Disney will have no problem recasting the role of Grumpy.

The good news is that Taco Bell has just unveiled 30 new menu items. The bad news is that, like all Mexican food, the items will all still taste exactly the same.

The Parker Solar Probe launched towards the sun is now in orbit. Its mission is to observe the sun and report temperature fluctuations, solar flare activities and solar wind compositions. We now know that the sun produces enough energy in one hour to power America for a year. A flame created in the center of the sun takes one million years to reach the surface. We also now know that the average temperature of the sun at its core is 27,000,000  degrees while the temperature at is surface is 10,000 degrees. Amazingly, it turns out this is slightly cooler than the microwaved contents of a Hot Pocket.