Prophecy in the News: September 2025

During Rosh Hashanah, TikTok was flooded with videos concerning the Rapture occurring the third week of September. When users learned that the Rapture took people physically into the air, people became hysterical. They worried what would happen to them if they were in a house or building and became stuck in the ceiling. They also assumed that only people that had "never sinned" would be taken. Some wondered if "Gideon" would blow his horn. I did not know Gideon was a musician? So as it turns out, apparently most TikTok users need not worry about being in the Rapture.

There have been 325 mass shootings in America from January 1st thru September 30th (272 Days). A mass shooting is one in which four or more people are killed, not including the shooter.

A recent poll shows that the average practicing Jew prays three times a day. The average Muslim prays five times a day. The average Christian pastor prays eight minutes a day. And the average Christian prays three minutes a day.

Developers believe that AI will soon be able to translate the barking of a dog into English. Lawyers are currently working on briefs to submit to the court to find out if dog decipherings could be admitted in cases where a crime occurred in front of the animal. However, no cats will be allowed to testify as they are all considered to be hostile witnesses. Perhaps this will be the plot of the next Disney movie?

Ichthyologists have discovered that Red Fin Fish have freckles on their skin that when connected, will create a word, phrase or symbol. Some see them as relaying special hidden messages. In related news, Chinese restaurants are now offering red fish with Sharpie pens that allow diners to create their own fortune cookies.

Charles Dolan, the owner of Madison Square Gardens, has equipped the auditorium with an AI system that can spot the face of every lawyer that has ever sued him. He then has that lawyer escorted out of the building.

META's CEO Mark Zuckerburg launched his new $800 AI powered Smart Glasses this month in front of a packed enthusiastic crowd. The glasses were a spectacular failure as it dropped four phone calls in a row. The crowd was disappointed as they already had glasses that did accept phone calls. The developer was immediately fired. However, the very next day he got a job programming the elevator at the United Nations.

The new trend in men's shirts is shorter with tails ending at or slightly above the waist. Louis Vuitton released their version for $1,600. That's right, less shirt for more money. It's called Shrinkflation. However, for the budget conscious, you can always buy a shirt and scissors at Walmart for $12.99. The only real downside is the tails also stop at the lower back. Think about it ladies.

The newest fashion in the dental world is tooth tattooing. You can have any name or picture etched and dyed on a cap that is then slipped over the tooth. The only downside is that from a distance, the tooth (or teeth) look rotten. A small price to pay to be fashion forward?

The first Chuck E Cheese franchise opened in Great Britain. It immediately became known as the "best pizza" in England.

A grade school teacher was found with a bag of cocaine in her purse. The school staff were astounded and asked her how this was possible. She explained she had to work a second job.

Ozempic laid off 9,000 employees as the company said its restructuring plan required "slimming down its staff".

A Pennsylvania man with his support alligator was told he could no longer shop at Walmart. The only odd thing about this story is that it did not take place in Florida.

Florida woman punches alligator in head to save her dog. 'Nuff said.

Europe has banned nail polishes containing TPO, a reproductive inhibitor. Just where are Europeans putting that polish?

Heinz announced on Monday the first ever Heinz Smoothy. Heinz immediately announced on Tuesday the last ever Heinz Smoothie.

Five hundred people in Washington D.C. are responsible for 70% of the gun crimes in the district. Reoffenders on steroids. Am I the only one thinking of an obvious solution to this problem?

An intoxicated Canadian man was caught driving a pink child's Barbie car down a highway at the peak of rush hour to get a Slurpee. To no one's surprise, when the officer asked for an ID, the man produced a Florida issued driver's license. Thus, the Royal Mountie let the man off with just a warning. Like Forrest Gump once said, "You can't fix stupid".

Spirit Airlines filed for bankruptcy for a second time in less than a year. This has caused the airline to develop a new name. It is now called "Dispirited Airlines". They have also decided to market this change to Gen Z with the slogan: "Dispirit Airlines. We can't even."

Saudi Arabia sponsored a comedy special featuring 26 of America's best know comedians. They lured them with a nonstop private jet flight, luxury accommodations, tripled their usual fee and promised that if their act dies on stage, they will be given 72 virgins.

Out of the 18 musicals that opened this year on Broadway, not one has made a profit. Nothing to sing about!

An Austrian man who calls himself "Burning Joe" set a Guinness World Record by setting himself fully on fire then pulling a car with a driver 100 meters in 56.42 seconds. However, as incredible as this sounds, he did not break any records … as there were no records to break. Burning Joe cautioned that, "No one should just go and set themselves on fire willy-nilly". I think we can all agree on that, Burning Joe!