Prophecy in the News: January 2026

Senator Steny "Ham" Hoyer (D-MO) turned 87 and has announced he will retire. When asked why he said, “Well…when you are so old that no one on the face of the earth any longer has your name…it’s time to go!” In other related news, H.J. Res 87 was introduced by US Rep John James to amend the US Constitution to cap the age of Federal Elected officials at 75. Any candidate that would turn 75 during the term would not be eligible to run for office. This includes the Office of the President on down.

Taco Bell announced its first new taste treat of 2026. It’s called the Taco Bell Volcano. It consists of seasoned beef, cheese, nacho sauce, tomatoes, jalapenos, guacamole, sour cream and beans. You eat one, wait twenty minutes then create your own lava. 

DNA geneticists have received hair strands from the head of Leonardo DaVinci. They have theorized that there is a possibility that they will be able to clone Leonardo. But they admitted that the DNA may not produce an exact copy. Therefore, we may end up with his cousin Keith. 

The USA Olympic Bobsled Team appeared this month at the 2026 Winter Olympics tryouts. They pushed the sled so hard that while the diver successfully jumped into the front seat, the other three team members collided into each other, missed the sled all together and eventually arrived at the Finish Line upside down and rear-end first. Only in America.

The album, "Eagles Greatest Hits 1971-1975" has officially sold over 40 million copies making it the best selling album of all time. It now has a first time ever issued Quadruple Diamond Certificate. This tremendous accomplishment is been credited to the groups remarkable singing-song writing abilities, and that their fans have reached an age where they are accidently rebuying the album having forgotten they already have a copy.   

In Germany, approximately 50 sheep escaped their enclosure and wandered into a local supermarket. Witness said that while they tried to count the sheep, they failed because they all fell asleep.  

In Florida news, a robot programmed to deliver food 24/7 to hungry Americans, was seen on a train track. After 15 minutes, witnesses saw it was destroyed by a passing train. While onlookers first assumed the bot was stuck on the tracks, upon further investigation it turned out it was not stuck but, “waiting”.   

Proving the adage what’s old becomes new, the Popcorn Sandwich has reappeared. Originally invented in 1909 as a quick snack treat, it has gained new life as a dinner entree served to children by divorced dads.  

An 81 year old grandmother was arrested by the FBI for attempting to hire a would be hit man. As for the payment plan, she was recorded as saying, “So, I will give you one dollar now and another one when you finish the job”.  

A lawsuit was filed against McDonalds alleging that the McRib Sandwich did not actually contain pork. No kidding said customers McStomachs.

A deer crashed through a bank window in Ridge, NY and proceeded to ransack the offices. Initially it was though that the deer was confused and frighted. But after interrogation, it was discovered that the deer was furious over a number of overdraft fees.

A 535 pound Pacific Bluefin Tuna was auctioned for 3.2 million dollars. Initially the winning bidder was anonymous, but was later discovered to be an extremely wealthy Orca.

This month Goodwill announced it experienced record breaking sales in 2025. The organization sold 7 billion dollars worth of second hand items. The spokesperson said the two main driving factors were inflation conscious consumers, and the sale of used coffee mugs from other peoples family reunions.

Ore-Ida announced its newest product, called Skis. It's potatoes wrinkle cut and fried crispy on the outside while soft and loaded with butter on the inside. The company is also offering actual Skis at $250 a pair with a picture of their French fries on them. In this way, you can now enjoy watching both you and your health going downhill fast? 

After President Trump announced an interest to obtaining Greenland, Germany announced it was sending troops there. Thus the first time in history that people were happy to hear the words “German troops are coming!” As it turned out, Germany only sent 13 military personnel.  

Subway announced it was giving away a free footlong sub to anyone stuck in the middle seat of a passenger jet. However, this offer was only good on January the 27th. Well ... I had not planned on taking a flight on the 27th, but if I can get a free Subway sub simply by flying on a Blue, Red or Green 747 jet liner, in an assigned middle seat, then taking a selfie of myself in the seat with my ID proving I am 18+, then uploading it to Subwaymiddleseat.com web site...count me in!

Cup of Noodles announced it was releasing a Cup of Noodles Smoothy. Consumers said the flavor tasted just like Cup of Noodles ...“Salt”.

A 23 year old woman boarded a Batik Airliner dressed as a stewardess. She was arrested, and when reporters entered the cockpit and ask the pilot his opinion on this event he replied, “Oh…I’m not a pilot!”

Research revealed that people who pick their nose are more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease. Which begs the question, "Just how deep are these people digging?" 

In an effort to stop oil shipments to sanctioned nations, the US has seized oil tankers enroute to these countries. One ship was videotaped literally painting out its name on the bow in mid voyage and replacing it with a Russian name and flag. While this attempt was initially seen as ludicrous (not the rapper), it made complete sense when the commanding officer of the tanker turned out to be Captain Crunch. 

The Warner Brothers Network scheduled to merge with Netflix, turned down a last minute offer by Paramount-Skydance. The company explained that while Paramount offered significantly more money, it was not worth the hassle of trying to get out of a Netflix contract.